My list of things that suck right now

I’m having trouble being my usually upbeat, happy self these days. I wish I could say it was all due to the stress of work – this is the last week for seniors and man, some of them are obnoxious. Even the underclassmen are stressing out, realizing (too late) that there is not a whole lot of time available to finish up all of their missing assignments. Also, with the town budget crisis and impending layoffs, it’s been negative in the teacher’s lounge as well as in the classrooms. I’m relatively sure my job is safe, but no one knows for sure and everyone assumes the worst. However, work isn’t really the issue. Life is the issue. I realize that bad things happen – my own family has dealt with a few life-changing events we could have lived without. But recently it just seems like bad news everywhere I turn. And the worst part is there’s nothing I can do to help. At least, nothing I can think of. Here is a list of things that I’m having trouble dealing with. Maybe writing about it will help clear my head a bit. (See, my optimistic nature isn’t completely dead)

1. The tragic story that’s been all over the news – a pregnant mother of two is killed in her apartment, allegedly stabbed by her boyfriend. Her three-year old and eight-year old children find her lying in a pool of blood when they wake up, and their screams alert the neighbors who call 911. This is indeed the kind of story that makes my cry instantly, and will give me bad dreams for awhile. In this story, the eight-year old is in my daughter’s class and the whole school is devastated by the news. I can’t stop reading about it, can’t stop watching it on the news, and I can’t stop crying about it. Hormonally I’m a basket-case. Now that it’s a few days later, and the kids are good foster placements and the school community is rallying around to help I feel better. But those poor kids don’t feel better and probably won’t for a long time. I don’t believe in heaven, or hell, and I never have. But I have to believe that the mother, Yuliya, can see that her kids are well taken care of and safe. Because I am certain that her last thoughts were about them and the newborn baby (who didn’t make it). I hope she knows that there are loving and caring people taking care of her kids and that she’s in peace.


2. A friend of mine is losing her husband. My son had a best friend in preschool, they were friends for two years. They are very similar and just really understood each other. Ari was extremely disappointed when he realized that they wouldn’t be in kindergarten together. We had a few playdates, but they don’t live in our town and both boys are in day schools with long days and long commutes and scheduling became difficult. Recently I found his mother on Facebook and we started keeping in touch a little more regularly. I was shocked to find out that her husband has cancer, and he’s nearing the end of his battle. She and I spoke when we would see each other at playgrounds, at birthday parties, etc. I had no idea her husband was ill, and had been for years. When I contacted her and let her know that I had just found out and asked if there was anything we could do, we decided that having us take her son occasionally would be fun for the boys and just get him out of the house for awhile. So we’ve been taking her son for a few hours as many weeks as possible. Ari absolutely loves having his friend around, and it’s been fun for us. When I think about him being so young (six) and having to face life without his dad, it breaks my heart. Similarly I think of his mom and keep trying to imagine her making a life by herself with two sons. And of course it doesn’t matter, it would be tragic anyway, but her husband is just one of the nicest, kindest, men ever. I know my friend will do a great job raising her boys, but I know how hard this summer/fall is going to be for them.

3. Someone that I don’t know well, a junior at the high school where I teach, died unexpected last week. He was born with a heart problem, and last Wednesday night he had a heart attack and died at home. The students, faculty and staff at the high school were so shocked by the death that I don’t think it sunk in right away. Certainly everyone was sad, but it’s almost as though we all just realized that he won’t be back in school and it’s a really sad time here. Of course it’s senior week and our seniors are crazy and literally out of control, and there’s a definite current of sadness going on underneath all the frivolity.

Well, that’s my list of the crap that’s been on my mind and making me so grouchy lately. I have been taking some extra time to play with my kids, and even to talk to Rich civilly (although not this morning). I have to be grateful, mindfully so, about the facts of my healthy family, the fact that Rich and I are both employed at a time when so many people are losing their jobs, and that we have plenty of fun things coming up. After Rich’s surgery on Tuesday there’s not much bad stuff going on in our lives. And that’s what I should be focusing on, it’s just not that easy.